Self-pleasure is your all-in-one tool for cultivating self-compassion, building intimacy in relationships, empowering your life, and creating magic. It’s way more than just a quickie with yourself!
There are two ways that you can self-pleasure: in a self-pleasure practice, or just for fun.
What’s the difference, you might ask? You’re probably used to self-pleasuring for fun: it’s an open-ended activity, and it probably ends with your release or ejaculation.
A self-pleasure practice is focused and intentional, lasts at least 10 minutes, and incorporates breathing, awareness, relaxation, and intentional movement of sexual energy and orgasm. There is also no release during a self-pleasure practice because it’s all about conditioning your sex system and expanding your sexual power.
When you make self-pleasure a practice, one that honors your body and regularly exercises your sex system and sexual-creative energy, the benefits extend far beyond pleasure.
Whether you use it as a practice or for fun, you’ll find that your self-pleasure sessions can be a versatile and accessible healing tool that’s always available to you.
*NOTE: We recommend a 2:1 ratio of practice vs. fun for these sessions.
Self-pleasure enhances your well-being in a few ways:
PHYSICALLY, self-pleasuring exercises your sex system by pumping blood to your genitals and strengthening your sex muscles. Conditioning your body this way doesn’t just deliver pleasure and sensation, it’s also been shown to reduce the risk of heart attack and can help to balance your endocrine system.
EMOTIONALLY, self-pleasure helps you connect more intimately with yourself. Not only does this deepen all of your emotional experiences, but it can also help with desire discrepancy between couples in a relationship. Knowing YOURSELF on a deeper level builds trust, helps with communication, and boosts attraction between you and your partner.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY, when you learn to OWN your orgasm through self-pleasure, you also learn self-efficacy and how to trust yourself more fully. Your self-pleasure practice can help you develop confidence in your ability to execute tasks, take on challenges, and meet your goals. That’s why a self-pleasure practice is so crucial: devoting time to a regular practice is a commitment to yourself.
SPIRITUALLY, playing with your sexual energy is powerful. Sexual energy is source energy, connected to everyone and everything in the Universe. You’ll discover that your self-pleasure practice impacts your connection with yourself and with others, because you’re tapping directly into this powerful source energy when you play.
Ready to get started and dive deep into your pleasure? You can help guarantee bigger and fuller experiences when you self-pleasure if you remember a few things.
The Difference Between Release and Orgasm
Your orgasm and your release are two different functions in your body. It might take a minute to fully grasp that, but just remember that release is your ejaculation, or fluid that comes out of your sex organs when you climax.
But your orgasm is the sensation you feel during physical release. And you can experience orgasm without release when you learn to work with your breath, relaxation, and exercise the pelvic muscles in your body.
When you understand a few mechanics, your release and orgasm will separate naturally, but that’s why it’s key to GO SLOW during your self-pleasure practice. Your practice should be at least 10 minutes long, so take your time with it! Don’t rush through the experience, because when you RELISH in your sensation, you encourage fuller and deeper pleasure.
Your Orgasm and Arousal Scale
Self pleasuring is all about engaging and exercising your sex system, not just experiencing release. It helps to remember that you’re ALWAYS in a state of orgasm. So you’re not going to “miss out” on having an orgasm, because it lives inside your body ALL the time! (Can you feel your orgasm right now?)
You can play with your sexual energy to experience sensation at different levels, and by staying aware of how this sensation is expressing itself, you’ll start to figure out your arousal scale.
When you’re pleasantly aroused you’re probably only around a 3 or 4 on this scale. When you’re at an 8 that means you’re getting pretty close to release. But figuring out where you’re at on this pleasure gauge can help you control your climax and ejaculation.
Getting to know your body like this builds trust and CONFIDENCE, and you experience a FULLER, broader range of sensation when you’re aware of your arousal this way.
Your relationship with the numbers on your arousal scale is unique, and the only way to figure it out is to test it out and get familiar.
The Main Components of Practice
A self-pleasure practice exercises your sex system. It’s just like going to the gym or getting ready for a long hike: there are tools that you need to condition your body so that you reap the benefits of this workout.
Set and Setting (NO PORN)
Playing with sexual energy is fun. But just like experimenting with psychedelics, you want to make sure that your mindset and environment support and ENHANCE your self-pleasure … not hinder it. (Everyone remembers a bad trip.)
So remember when you’re self-pleasuring that porn REALLY fucks with things. Watching porn and experiencing arousal (while being physically disconnected from the action on-screen) disconnects you from your body, your reality and creates a dissociative experience. The whole point of self-pleasure is to exercise your sex system and CONNECT MORE DEEPLY and authentically with yourself and your arousal. Porn distracts you from having an authentic experience with pleasure, and with yourself.
Toys and Props
Using toys like wands, eggs, or butt plugs can add a FUN new dynamic to your self-pleasure experience.
You can also use vibrators if you’re self-pleasuring for fun, but remember that your orgasm already vibrates inside of you. Your orgasm is more subtle, however, so the vibration in a toy cancels out your orgasm’s vibration. So during your self-pleasure practice, GIVE YOUR ORGASM A CHANCE and put the Hitachi away!
We also HIGHLY recommend using a mirror during your practice. Looking at your pussy or penis while you play is an incredibly powerful way of connecting with yourself — it’s a form of self-love when you admire your genitals.
How to Touch Yourself When You Self-Pleasure
Where there’s blood, there’s sensation. And where there’s sensation, there’s sexual ENERGY. REMEMBER that when you play with sensation in your sex system, you’re working with powerful creative energy. When you focus on moving this energy in your body, you build more self-awareness and confidence in your pleasure experience.
But don’t just focus on your genitals. You want to move blood from your heart to your genitals, and using self-massage can encourage this movement. Self-massage is highly effective: gently rubbing the muscles in your thighs, pelvis, and glutes helps enhance relaxation and touch delivers fresh, oxygenated blood to your sex system.
To AMP UP arousal even more in your self-pleasure session, focus on the upper left-hand corner of the clitoris or the head of your penis. These specific regions of your genitals contain the HIGHEST amount of nerve endings that go the deepest into your body, so stroking this area will deliver LOTS of deep sensation. You don’t need to overfocus on the upper-left hand corner but try experimenting with intentionally incorporating that area more into your self-pleasure experience.
Sexual energy is powerful, not just because it’s a creative force, but also because it’s MAGICAL. In fact, witches and other spiritual practitioners around the world use their orgasm to manifest abundance, success, love, and power in their lives.
So the next time you sit down to masturbate, remember how powerful a tool your self-pleasure is. Are YOU getting the most out of your pleasure experience?
If you’re looking for a great way to start your self-pleasure practice, download the SPX Full Body Orgasm Guide! It’s full of tips, instructions, even audio recordings to help you get the most out of your orgasm.