When you’re navigating through the challenges of a relationship, the path is not always crystal clear.
But when you add sexual imbalances into your relationship, things can get pretty confusing. From sexual anxiety to desire discrepancy, any imbalance or sexual dysfunction you struggle through makes it SUPER challenging to connect sexually with your partner.
Don’t worry. You’re not the only one feeling fucked up about it. Nearly EVERY couple you know deals with an imbalance of some kind, because all of you have bodies that aren’t always going to be fully aligned!
But relief and resolution for this struggle are easier than you might think. And it starts with one of the yummiest aspects of couple connection: INTIMACY.
For some, that word might sound scary, but it might help to think about this as more of an adventure.
Or a sexperiment.
So, SEX NERDS AND EXPLORERS UNITE: you’re about to discover a whole new universe when it comes to your sexuality. Let’s break it down.
The intimacy that you cultivate in your long-term relationship directly correlates with the sex that you have. The more intimacy you have, the more sex you’ll have.
And intimacy is responsible for igniting the sexual energy in your relationship. One of the coolest things about sexual energy is that it’s CREATIVE ENERGY. The kind of energy that builds and keeps creating.
When you grow any kind of creative energy in your relationship, you’re FEEDING the sexual energy and desire between the two of you.
You can establish more intimacy and sexual-creative energy in your life by expressing affection, but it’s important to remember that there are ALL KINDS of ways to express it that aren’t just about physical touch or having sex. There’s not a “right” or “wrong” way to spark creative energy here.
BONUS: When you work to build more intimacy with your partner, it’s going to help improve your connection further the next time you do have sex.
From intellectual intimacy to being more spiritually connected, here some ways* to get even closer to your partner (that aren’t about having sex).
*Okay, BUCKLE UP, because there are 69 of them … we like naughty references and wanted to give you plenty of ways to connect!
1. Meditate together. Making the time and space to just BE together can have a big impact on your relationship, but sometimes it’s a challenge. Find a guided audio practice to follow along with, or just observe 10 minutes of silence and breathe with each other.
Instead of facing one another when you’re meditating, try sitting back-to-back, and feeling your partner’s breath through the back of your body.
2. Try eye-gazing or soul-gazing: it’s an ancient practice that establishes nonverbal intimacy with your partner.
3. Find a yoga class or start a home yoga practice with your partner (there are TONS of YouTube videos available if you want to start small).
4. Cook your favorite meal together.
5. Go on a nature walk! And soak in the bonus health benefits of fresh air and sunshine.
6. Experiment with different ways of kissing! Make your kiss last longer, really pay attention to how you’re using your tongue and lips and you’re feeling in the rest of your body.
7. Hug your partner more, and for longer periods of time.
8. Check-in and create space for each other. Give your partner the room to vent if they need to, especially if you know they’re struggling through something.
9. Give them credit for the things they’ve taken care of. Acknowledge your partner’s awesomeness verbally.
10. Practice active listening during your conversations. Don’t just think of how you’re supposed to respond to them, but listen with intention to what your partner is saying, so they feel acknowledged and understood.
11. Get a tarot or energy reading together.
12. Leave them notes of appreciation. You can post them around the house or pack a note in their lunchbox.
13. Plan a trip together. It can be a real vacation OR you can plan a fantasy getaway, but the act of creating future experiences together brings you closer.
14. Create a time for no-screens (no TV, phone, laptop).
15. Take time for a sensuality break. Find some quiet time together and spend five minutes caressing your partner, then have them do the same to you for another five minutes.
16. Give your partner a sensual massage, for their pleasure. And most importantly, WITH NO CLIMAX on their part. This sensual massage will be purely for sensation, and not for release. All they need to do during this sensually blissful experience is relax and receive.
17. Write an erotic story! Explore different aspects of your sexuality and relationship through a sexy plot line, and incorporate some creativity into your life.
18. Read together: if you have a favorite novel or piece of nonfiction, sharing it with your partner can be a great way to connect.
19. Ask deeper questions. “How was your day?” is a great way to check in, but if your partner has a project at work or friend they’re worried about, probing questions can help give the conversation (and your connection) more depth.
20. Get out of town—take a weekend holiday away to be together, away from your normal routine.
21. Or, have a staycation and set up a special picnic on your living room floor and make time to enjoy each other’s company.
22. Hold hands more often!
23. Get nerdy! Analyze a poem together, solve a crossword, or discuss your favorite Tarantino film over coffee.
24. Volunteer your time together to help support a good cause in your community.
25. Get DIY-crafty together by building a birdhouse, plant boxes, or other small craft projects together.
26. Go to therapy with your partner.
27. Masturbate in front of your partner and show them how you like touching yourself.
28. Enjoy a sensual bath with them and take turns washing each other, and holding one another in the bath.
29. After sex cuddling! STOP with the turn-over-and-go-to-sleep routine. Take time to really hold each other and breathe them in.
30. Create cuddle time in the morning or spooning before you jump out of bed.
31. Naked wrestling is especially fun, and it’s a great way to get physical, EVEN PRIMAL, with your partner without having sex! We like using the bed for naked wrestling, it makes it more difficult to balance, so more silliness gets involved!
32. Flirty texts throughout the day can help to keep your desire at a sensual simmer so that when you see your partner again, you’ll already feel connected.
33. Give your partner a therapeutic massage after a long day of work. Even just rubbing their feet is such an intimate and loving gift.
34. Testicle massage: if your partner is male, you can spend some quality time with them by using sensual massage techniques on his testicles. It doesn’t just feel amazing: testicle massage helps with blood circulation, boosts testosterone production, and improves erection quality.
35. Breast massage: using sensual touch to stimulate the breasts creates a deeper intimacy with your partner. But the benefits go beyond that: breast massage also helps to improve circulation and overall breast health!
36. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, pause every now and then to re-live a memory together. Then appreciate where you’re at today.
37. Before you fall asleep, make some time for pillow talk with your partner.
38. Dance parties with your partner can inspire all kinds of fun. Make a playlist on Spotify and shake your booty in the kitchen!
39. Daily gratitude practice: take five minutes every morning (or evening, whenever it’s convenient) to check in and talk about what you’re thankful for.
40. Nightly strolls or just sitting on your porch are a nice way to break up the routine of Netflix-and-chilling after work, AND you get some fresh air.
41. Stop to listen to your partner’s heart.
42. Brush their hair or groom them. Scalp massages or scratches are also lovely.
43. Clean their space for them.
44. Have a PILLOW FIGHT!
45. Learn something new together, like gardening or another language.
46. Take more time to say your goodbyes.
47. Try out some sensory deprivation or trust exercises together.
48. Visit a sanctuary farm or animal shelter with your partner and spend some time with furry friends!
49. Take selfies together! Even if you delete them later, it can be fun posing together and capturing memories. (Hint: these can also be NSFW.)
50. Write them a love letter. We love the idea of using actual paper so your partner can keep it as a sweet memory, but you can email it, too.
51. Go people watching together—museums, parks, malls, and airports are all great places for this.
52. Create a playlist for the next time you have sex.
53. Play cards or do board games together.
54. Offer them moral support during special events.
55. Buy them special gifts, even if it’s not a holiday or birthday.
56. Do their least favorite chore.
57. Surprise your lover with lunch!
58. Touch them tenderly in passing more often.
59. Go to bed at the same time.
60. Share spiritual experiences together, like meditation rituals, prayer sessions, or listening to spiritually-focused podcasts with your partner.
61. Go house-hunting together and find your “dream home.” Even if you’re not ready to purchase a home yet, just check out some open houses and imagine what your life might be like living in one. Share which homes you love the most and why.
62. Take time to sit in quiet and do “nothing” together. (NO SMARTPHONES!)
63. Engage in friendly competition, like darts, bowling or go-kart racing!
64. Offer to babysit or care for their pets.
65. Take care of the dishes and clean up after a meal.
66. Give them a manicure or pedicure.
67. Share a secret with your partner. Sharing something you’ve never told anyone else is a great way to build intimacy.
68. Start a new hobby with them, like gardening, geocaching, or baking.
69. Build a Sensual Practice with your partner. You can start by trying out the SPX Full Body Orgasm practices together!
From naked wrestling to nature walks, there are some simple, effective ways to connect with your partner so you build deeper intimacy and CREATIVE ENERGY for the long-term!
Your connection with your partner has the capacity to be SUPER-charged. All it takes is a little creativity, but it helps to have some ideas in your back pocket.
SO HAVE FUN EXPLORING!
A sure-fire way to tap into your desire, whether you have a partner or are flying solo, is to create your own sensual practice. Not sure where to start? Check out our tried-and-true Full Body Orgasm Guide!